so...what are those blessings?

So, I tend to write these posts when my firefighter is not at home.  (I'm officially changing from plumber to firefighter because he doesn't work as a plumber anymore.)  When he got home from a meeting at the firehouse last week, he didn't say anything to me about the blog.  I kept looking for signs that he had read it - and he said nothing.

After we put sweetie-bug (his daughter) to bed, I was trying to play it cool and casually mentioned, "I wrote another blog post tonight..." he responded with, "oh yeah?  I guess I'll read it tomorrow."  Instantly - the wind out of my sails...until he grinned and said, "I read it before I came home...I wasn't going to say anything because it just kind of ended in the middle - you never said what good came from it."

Well, then.  I guess I posted prematurely.

To the outside observer, our 23 months of wedded bliss have been anything but.  My firefighter was laid off 2 months after we got married and was unemployed for almost 9 months.  We faced a summer of no income - as a teacher we don't get paid from June to mid-September - and there was nothing we could do about it.  We dealt with false accusations and investigations.  We have survived surgeries and hospitalizations.  We have endured a lengthy (read: marathon) trial, which inches from the finish line, may be starting over.  We have heard (and hopefully overcome) some of the worst news possible.  We weathered weeks apart for job training.  And all this was on top of the normal adjustment to getting married/moving in with each other.  Stress.  Depression.  Powerlessness.  Heartache.

Through all this, we had a commitment to each other - it was still so fresh on our minds because the vows had just been said.  We learned how to spend time together without spending a dime.  Yes - we're that couple that sits in lawn chairs in our driveway watching the stars on a summer night.  We learned how to support and encourage each other.  I learned that when I'm weak and at the point of giving up - he'll step in and have the faith and hope I need.

We had the blessing of simplicity.  We couldn't afford anything more.  We cooked for each other, watched Netflix until we ran out of shows to watch.  We talked with each other - about nothing and everything.  We learned first hand that a cord of three-strands is not easily broken (Ecclesiastes 4:12).  With each other and God - we had everything we needed.  So the blessing is that I have a wonderful husband who understands me and loves me despite the mess that I am.  He is a hard worker, a public servant, incredibly handy, and an amazing dad.  He is hard-headed and refuses to listen 97% of the time - but then again....that's me too.

Our marriage is far from perfect - but we've made it through so much already.  Believe me - there were times I think we both had our doubts we'd make it.  We've argued, cried, slammed doors (my personal favorite) but we've also celebrated, laughed and every once in a while - he'll sit next to me and snuggle.  We discovered a couple secrets to help make the choice to stay together a little easier.

1.  Pray for one another.  Even in the midst of a massive argument (yeah, we've had a few of those) it's really difficult to stay angry when you stop and pray for the other person.  It gives you a moment where you take the focus off your agenda and put your spouse in the spotlight.

2.  Put your relationship first.  I tend to be a little strong-willed.  (HA!)  When I put my plans or ideas aside and listen to what my firefighter is saying or doing - it lets him know that he ranks above everything else.  I can tell him that he's my priority - but if my schedule or actions are sending a different message, he won't believe me.

3.  Stop taking each other for granted.  A "thank you" can go a long way.  Encourage each other with simple gestures of appreciation and caring for each other.

4.  Choose love.  Remember why you're together.  Remember the first date and the butterflies at your first kiss.  As the craziness of life sets in, love becomes as much a choice as it is an emotion - sometimes more of a choice!  Choice is an action with direction - as opposed to an emotion left to find it's way on its own.

 My biggest blessing is that I get to "do life" with my firefighter for the rest of my days. 

fighting blessings

In the past 3 years, my life has undergone a lot of changes.

I hate change.

Change means things aren't the same anymore.

Change means I have to learn something new.

Change means things will be unpredictable.

Change means I might fail.

Change means I'm alive for another day, which I'll take over the alternative! :)

As I've reflected on my life recently, I've realized that some of the biggest changes in my life, that I have fought harder than anything are my biggest blessings.

The plumber.  I NEVER thought we'd make it as a couple.  Too little in common, too rough around the edges.  I had made a number of poor choices in previous relationships -  allowed my heart to become attached to someone who didn't feel the same way about me.  I also had serious abandonment issues from my young adulthood.  I decided to give the plumber a chance - he already knew where I lived, so if he turned out to be a psycho-killer....I was already dead anyway!  So, I took a chance on him when he sent me that text message asking if I was seeing anyone, but I had already decided.  It wasn't going to work out.

I set my man up to fail.  I went through the motions of being in a relationship with him, but didn't let him into my heart.  I told my friends it wasn't going to work.  I rehearsed break-up talks in my mind....but then he'd say something super sweet or he'd bring my an edible arrangement (yum) and I'd decide to give it another week.  He shared his heart with me, but I wouldn't give him mine.  He might hurt it, it had already been so broken - the scars were so fresh.  Then there was a big structure fire.  I forgot to mention....the plumber is also a firefighter.  So my firefighter rushes off to do what he does best and I was so worried.  I was scared.  What if I never got to see him again.  People die in fires.  That's when I realized - I had given him my heart after all.  And after all my putting him off, he hadn't given up on me.

I can't tell you where I first heard this story, but it's a story I love.  It's the story of the butterfly's struggle.  A man found a butterfly's cocoon and saw there was a small opening.  He sat and watched for hours, thinking he'd get to witness the butterfly emerging.  The butterfly struggled, though and didn't seem to be able to get itself out of the cocoon.  He decided that the butterfly needed his help, so he took his pocket knife and very carefully cut away the cocoon allowing the butterfly to easily free itself.  The man noticed that the wings were all shriveled up, but he continued to watch expecting that at any minute the wings would spread and he would be able to watch it's first flight.

The butterfly never flew.  The man didn't understand that the struggle of leaving the cocoon was God's way of forcing fluid from the butterfly's body into its wings so it would be able to fly once it escaped it's cocoon.

That's very much how I view change.  It's a struggle, but without any struggles we are crippled.  We wouldn't gain the strength from failing and pulling ourselves back up again.  We wouldn't learn new skills to overcome the obstacles.  We'd never have the joy and satisfaction of success.  We'd miss the blessings.

So, friends - I ask you.  What change are you fighting?  What blessing are you denying yourself by fighting?  Change is scary, and it can mean hardship, struggle, being let down - but it can lead to so much more.

wine glasses and sippy cups??

Take a journey back in time with me....to January of 2012....

I had reached a point in my life where I thought I was never going to get married.

I mean, sure.  As a kid - I had always thought that marriage was going to be part of my life.  But then, I grew up and my friends coupled off and married while I stayed single.  I wanted to find love, but it seemed that it wasn't going to happen for me.  I had accepted it.  I had even embraced it.

In walks the plumber.

Literally....my sewer backed up the first weekend I was in my house and I needed a plumber.  Little did I know, that $400 service call would introduce me to my husband.

I never thought the relationship would work (a blog post for another day) but I stood in my kitchen about 2 weeks from my wedding day in April 2013, when the idea for this blog was born.

You see, my husband has a little girl.  An incredible little girl who is beautiful, energetic, smart, loving and full of laughter.  But as a woman entering into marriage, a woman brought up on Disney and who's first musical performance was in the show Cinderella the idea of becoming a step-mother was terrifying.

I stood in my kitchen, placing one of my most prized wedding shower gifts into the cabinet.  A matching set of wine glasses (thanks to my 3/4 wing friends!!).  I wouldn't have to use mason jars anymore (alright....fine.  You got me.  I still use them unless I have company...) I was a big girl.  But I opened the other side of the cabinet and saw my soon-to-be step-daughter's sippy cups sitting on the shelf next to my new wine glasses.  I just had to laugh.

I don't really know what this blog will turn into.  I don't know if anyone but me will ever read it or benefit from it.  It's my thoughts and mistakes and victories along this adventure called life.  It's my realization that step-mothers don't need to be evil (although when my step-daughter asks me to read her Cinderella before bed, I still get nervous).  And most importantly, how God works in our family to work all things for good - even when it takes us a long time to see the good.

So - there's the back story.  Thanks for joining me on the journey.